pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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