You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
