I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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