I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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