Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
