The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize