i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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