I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
the liver wants what the liver wants
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
