I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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