So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.