I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy