Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.