doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
