I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong