So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
