She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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