i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
