I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
