pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
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