The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
