I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
