theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Drunk is not a location!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
