This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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