So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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