I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
