Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
