i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
soo... how was my night?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
