did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
