# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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