Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
