No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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