I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
do herpes really smell.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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