So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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