You're so nebulous sometimes
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
