weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
