I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
