Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
