Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
