What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
