I just pynch a tree in the face
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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