I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
