Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize