I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
