I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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