"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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