Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
