that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
