i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
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I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
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I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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