i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
