walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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