Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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