id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
