Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.