What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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