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• (314): View more from Missouri

  so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you

  (1-804): View more from Virginia

  couldn't find a condom?

  (804): View more from Virginia

  basically

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.

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  21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!

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• (386): View more from Florida

  I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."

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  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?

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• (260): View more from Indiana

  He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.

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• (778): View more from British Columbia

  Sorry for trying to baptize you last night

  (1-778): View more from British Columbia

  You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well

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• (385): View more from Utah

  I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.

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