Texts From Last Night

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  (727): View more from Florida

  she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?

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  (727): she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no? http://tfl.nu/lc3u
  Replies (39) Good night (6986) Bad night (628)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.

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  (410): He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot. http://tfl.nu/qo51
  Replies (16) Good night (1230) Bad night (5001)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.

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  (306): I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom. http://tfl.nu/90oj
  Replies (32) Good night (1417) Bad night (4929)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  we just fucked in the mcds parking lot

  (1-732): View more from New Jersey

  wasnt he a virgin

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  yes we got celebratory milkshakes after

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  (732): we just fucked in the mcds parking lot (1-732): wasnt he a virgin (732): yes we got celebratory milkshakes after http://tfl.nu/wnnd
  Replies (60) Good night (13587) Bad night (1253)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...

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  (419): Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl... http://tfl.nu/mv65
  Replies (8) Good night (4248) Bad night (1120)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring

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  (859): did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring http://tfl.nu/dlju
  Replies (24) Good night (12678) Bad night (1650)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.

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  (315): Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30. http://tfl.nu/jue0
  Replies (4) Good night (2529) Bad night (1336)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs

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  (414): Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs http://tfl.nu/zuhx
  Replies (6) Good night (2586) Bad night (1203)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.

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  (813): You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids. http://tfl.nu/99eg
  Replies (6) Good night (1310) Bad night (2905)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.

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  (775): Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form. http://tfl.nu/2bqh
  Replies (4) Good night (1563) Bad night (579)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.

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  (413): 2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick. http://tfl.nu/06th
  Replies (4) Good night (697) Bad night (1353)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts

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  (812): Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts http://tfl.nu/1kvs
  Replies (11) Good night (732) Bad night (1471)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'

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  (514): MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.' http://tfl.nu/5zwe
  Replies (7) Good night (1831) Bad night (514)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.

  (561): View more from Florida

  Your mother would be so proud

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  (843): I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom. (561): Your mother would be so proud http://tfl.nu/t9pg
  Replies (6) Good night (894) Bad night (344)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.

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  (562): Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it. http://tfl.nu/uvne
  Replies (0) Good night (594) Bad night (257)

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