I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.