goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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