You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting