Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.