Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I would fuck him just for his dog
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
