just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
