i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize