remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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