I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
