thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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