her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I want to fling myself into the sun
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
