I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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