I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
