Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
