I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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