someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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