She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
