So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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