So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
