I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
